How Am I Forty Already?

Hi There,

I've been MIA for a bit. And to be honest, I have no legitimate reason, other than procrastination and anxiety. So I'm back and have plans to write more because I'm realizing more and more that it's therapeutic for me. Getting my thoughts out and on paper (or on the screen) is actually freeing.

I turned 40 back in January this year. I cannot believe it. I sure do not feel 40 nor do I look 40. I remember, when I was younger, my aunts would never say their age, but I am not like that. I think I secretly like to see that shocked expressions on people's faces when they find out exactly how old I am. I think I like being 40. I can comfortably say this in the month of June.

Last year, my secondary school friends (the convent girls) were trying to do something big this year to celebrate the fact that almost all of us were turning 40. But when I realized that that wasn't going to happen, I decided that I wanted to do something for myself and celebrating reaching this milestone in life. I decided to play mas and it was an interesting experience. But before carnival, there was my actual birthday in January.

Approximately, three weeks before my birthday, while trying to finalize plans for another friend's birthday which happened to be a few days before mine, my birthday plans were set in motion. So in one phone call, the venue was decided, the number of people I wanted to attend, the time and a general idea of food. Everything was confirmed and finalized one week before my birthday. Even though it was a Wednesday, I wanted to celebrate it on the day. After all, I would only be turning 40 once.

Finally, it was the birthday Wednesday and everyone attended. Unknowingly, I chose the right mix of friends. Even though everyone didn't know all who came, they blended well. Conversations flowed. We drank wine. We laughed. We took pictures. They sang happy birthday. We ate cake. We had more wine. We got tipsy. We all had an amazing time. Some of us even went out to have more drinks after. I must admit that it was my best birthday ever. I am so thankful to that one friend who, after hearing about my disasters of past birthdays, insisted that this one needed to be different.

For me, turning 40, meant that I wanted to be happy....genuinely happy. So this year, I decided to say yes to new experiences and thus far I have said yes a few times more than I would have compared to the past. I think I'm on the right track. Now, as much as I am saying yes, I am also saying no and learning that it is ok to say no without providing a justification to anyone but myself. What exactly am I saying no to?...... I'm saying no to things and people that drain my energy. I'm also saying no to things I do not like. I am at that age (ha ha ha I could not wait to start using this phrase) where I do not have to do anything, go anywhere or interact with anyone that I do not like. So I'm just not going to do it. Andddddddd I'm going to not do it and provide an explanation. Just a simple "no". That's it.

So here's to being fabulous at 40 and having an amazing year full of happiness and new experiences. 

See you soon.....

Toodles,
This Pretty Nerd

Do you speak to animals?

Hi there,

I went to the zoo on Saturday. I actually go every few months to practice my photography. Well......that's what I told myself when I first went. My first time for this purpose was six years ago. I got a high end point and shoot Nikon camera as a gift and was super excited. I already knew that I liked shooting inanimate objects and nature but I honestly wished I had a pet (a dog obviously) to take photos of. Because of my love for animals, I decided to venture to the zoo by myself.

I don't normally go out by myself because, as always, anxiety will get the best of me and I will end up talking myself out of it. But, I am so glad that I went and I enjoy every minute of it, every single time that I go. Some friends ask me if I ever get tired of going to the zoo because there are the same animals all the time. My answer will always be no. The reason for this is that I experience something new each time I go and I learn something new about myself and the animals.

So this is why the subject is "do you speak to animals". I speak to animals. I can have a full conversation with them and I am not sure if they understand me or not, but sometimes I think they do. I get expressions from them or a noise or sometimes completely ignored. But no matter what response I get, it calms me. Interacting with the animals delightfully calming to me. So when I feel like I've been holding things in too long and my anxiety is high, a trip to the zoo makes everything better.

On this visit, I saw an iguana, a squirrel and a humming bird. All of these were seen while I was just walking around. In fact, the humming bird and squirrel were scene by accident because I saw the iguana and I didn't want to pass on the walkway behind so I took the long way to the flamingos. The lion and tiger stared at me long enough for me to get a good shot. The macaws are always entertaining to look at and shoot, especially when they are eating. The giraffes' grace is mesmerizing. The smaller monkeys remind me of toddlers and are so cute. The older and bigger monkeys remind me of old men sitting on a porch in the countryside. And while I usually find it hard to process lots of noise, the noises coming from all the animals has never once irritated me. I think my favourite noise is the birds singing.

So my calmness has returned and equilibrium restored but will be back in a few months to see what new interactions with the animals I receive.

See you soon.....

Toodles,
This Pretty Nerd

Starting Again.

Hi there, 

It's been forever..... and I'm going to be honest.  My anxiety kicked in, I froze up and just kept postponing writing. But something happened yesterday and two friends talked me through it and all I thought about was that I needed to write and express myself. Sooooooo I'm back. YAY!!

Honestly, I think (and by think I mean know) I'm unnecessarily hard on myself and I want everything to perfect before I start something, which is another reason why I haven't pounded this keyboard in months. But, while I know that things can never always be  perfect, I've decided to make a greater effort to remind myself that it is ok not to be perfect all the time or wait for this somewhat unattainable perfection. It's quite possible that's this has been holding me back in experiencing new things (self revelation, yay for me!). In fact, maybe about 2 years ago I made a conscious decision to say YES to new experiences, which was uncomfortable as hell sometimes but looking back, I don't think I've regretted it and all the new things I've done, learnt about myself or people I've met. I guess learning about myself and continued self development never really stops. And truth be told, I'm loving every minute of it. 

It's almost 5:00 am and I'm up before my alarm...... WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  *rolls my sleepy eyes*. But I've really been up since 3:00 am and I've had my first cup of magical fluid (aka coffee). So today is definitely going to be filled with a few more cups of this magical fluid. Coffee really does get my productivity levels going. I've been writing down to my thoughts and ideas concerning content for my blog (because my thoughts are in abundance but it's gets crazy in my head sometimes). So if you're reading this and have any ideas for me, feel free to share. I'm new to this and if you've been writing and/or blogging, chances are you already know some secrets.... so dish lol. 

See you soon.....

Toodles, 

This Pretty Nerd

P.s. To the German, thank you for your ideas from before and encouragement from across the seas. 

Happily Anxious

Hi there, 

So I have been experiencing anxiety on a different level lately. On most days I can get through the day and not feel too drained. But these past weeks, I have been feeling drained. Just deciding what to write and post send me into overthinking and what ends up happening is nothing, which is why you haven’t heard from me in a while. When I missed my first deadline to post on this blog, I said that I’d just write it the following day and then the following day came and nothing. And it kept going like this for over three weeks. I have learned to not ignore my anxiousness but to just sit in it. It will pass and I will be able to think through things which would help me to handle it better the next time it appears. Because it will happen, probably just not as frequently. 

I have also realised that the people that you surround yourself with give off energies and I seem to pick up on their energies. When their energies are positivr and happy it’s amazing, because they leave you feeling in a good mood. Then there are those people that have the most negative energies. OMG.... the funny thing is that I try to stay far from these people but they seem to always want to be around me or try be my friend. I never knew why I would remain quiet around them and make absolutely no effort to communicate. But these past few weeks it became clear that their energies affect me. 

I loving learning new things about myself. Before I might have been mean or straight forward with these negative energies but I never knew why. And by might, I really mean about 99.95%. It’s like I was fighting them off in my own way without even knowing. Lately I’ve been trying to ignore, which means no effort exercised on my party. For the most part it is working but some people just need to experience my mouth sometimes. 

Happy week to you. It’s a two day work week for me. Yay!!! 

 

See you soon! 

Toodles 

This Pretty Nerd. 

Almost Perfect Sunday

Happy Sunday!

Are you ready for the week ahead? I am not quite sure if I am but I going to definitely try to be positive about things that I might encounter.

Quote for week: "It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not".

Last week, my anxiety kicked in and I did start to write the blog, because the aim is to post every Sunday and for special things or experiences. During the week the ideas were all there, but on Sunday..... nothing. So I shut down my laptop and only turned it back on today. I can easily talk myself out of doing things or going places. Today is a good day and I got things done today. I woke up early and sat outside having my coffee. This quiet time is important for quieting all the noise in my head. I took the time to listen to the birds and look at the formation of the clouds in the sky (which I love). I totally enjoyed this and I think this might be new Sunday morning ritual.

I LOVE COFFEE!!!
I also like to have my first cup for the day without any interruptions. I am so particular that I don't even want you to smile at me while I'm having this first cup. I am not ready to interact with people yet. I might sound bad but I don't want to be false. Being false takes too much effort. And I'd prefer to use my energy wisely..... like making a second cup of coffee.

So here's to an amazing week with good food and good coffee (and if you drink tea... that's ok too lol).

Toodles

It's the new year....

So it's the new year.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! 

My First Post....YES!!! 

I've been toying with this for the last year and decided that now is the time. I don't know about you but I enjoyed my 2017. I mean I didn't fall in love or anything (ha!) but there were other things that happened. Work opportunities happened. I said yes to more invitations which led to amazing experiences. I got less panic attacks. I started colouring (AND I LOVE IT). I met some amazing people, both in person and online. I did say goodbye to some people that didn't provide peace in my life (bye felicia!). 

So hello 2018, nice to meet you. I have a strong feeling that we are about to become best friends. I am ready for all the lovely experiences and friendships that are about to happen. I'm embracing my anxiety, learning more about what triggers me and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. In a world full of extroverts, being an introvert takes strength. Only my opinion counts really because my world is introverted. 

Here's hoping you have a wonderful first week of the year. I am about to have fun with my happy planner this week. 

Toodles 

This Pretty Nerd